2019 “Lent” Challenge - Life Lessons and Newfound Sober Curiosity
Over the last five years, I have drastically changed my diet, creative and emotional outlets, personal interests, political and religious beliefs, and probably some other things that I may not even be totally aware of yet. But I still felt something missing. So, I decided to sign up for a 40-day yoga, meditation, and no alcohol challenge, with a group of New Orleans locals. We started the challenge the day after Fat Tuesday, like lent, without the religious backing. Mardi Gras is a season, full of drinking and indulging, with the finale being Fat Tuesday where the city dresses up in costume and dances through the streets. My favorite day of the year. Personally, leading up to Mardi Gras and during, I was drinking at least three days a week, not realizing any impact it had on me. It was time to challenge myself.
The first few days were great, I thought to myself, “how easy 40 days was going to be! I’ll just go to work, teach yoga, sleep, and repeat.” Then, the first Friday evening rolled around, mind you this is only three days in. It was a long week at work and all I wanted a glass of wine. However, I had just signed up for an online business class that I was excited about and wanted to dive deep into. A friend, who was also enrolled in the same class, invited me over so we could chat about the potential business’s we were dreaming of starting. We spent the majority of the night drinking smoothies out of stemless wine glasses and deeply connecting with each other, making my first Friday alcohol-free exceptionally meaningful. I had regained some confidence.
Over the following weeks, I ended up going to an engagement party, spent time with college friends, attended crawfish boils, Game of Throne viewing parties, and had my mom and sister come visit for a weekend, all without consuming any booze. Which is hard to do anywhere but in New Orleans, is hard as hell not to do. I won’t lie, the fear of missing alcohol over the last two months was real. Real enough to make me question if I actually did have a dependency on alcohol. Those events would have typically been on the list of events to consume alcohol at, and it was hard not to partake. But hindsight, I know alcohol didn’t add value to any of those occasions because I still look back at them with warm memories (memories being the key word).
Also, I look back at the course of events, spanning over the last two months, that magically seemed to align perfectly. Though, we all know that the universe is always there for us, providing us what we need when we need it.
A week after I stopped drinking, I attended my second therapy session ever. This was a big step as my first session a few years earlier was not a pleasant experience. Nevertheless, I have now been to a total of eight sessions over the last two months. My therapist helped me trudge through the muddy waters of complicated unresolved childhood issues that I was choosing to carry on my back. Which included alcoholism in my immediate family history. She has helped me talk through many other questions I had, guided me to deeper thinking and realizations, and also helped my partner and I work on our communication skills. Although, we have not talked much about alcohol or this experience, I can say with confidence that I was more receptive and open to therapy than I feel I would have in the past. I feel like my heart and mind has been completely been reworked in a way that would have taken years to accomplish on my own.
Also, as perfect timing would have it, without drinking and its affects, I would not have been able to spend the hours of time I spent on the business class I invested in. Which, by the way, has fueled an entrepreneurial fire under my ass, and continues to be a work in progress. I learned how to time manage in a way that I have never been able to do. I created time to work a full-time job, teach a few yoga classes, go to therapy, exercise, and spend hours on this class every week.
And over the last two months, I listened to an extreme number of podcasts. One of them featured the author of a book I am now in the midst of reading, Ruby Warrington. Ruby wrote a book called, “Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol.” This book among other things have opened my eyes a little bit wider to this experience.
1. I don’t know if I feel like I found that something missing, but I feel a new sense of grounded-ness and deeper intuition, which could possibly lead me there.
2. Without alcohol, I could really feel my feelings. On a deeper level than ever before. All the small moments became big wonderful moments.
3. Fear of missing alcohol is real. And it’s okay to be socially awkward (my most dreaded fear and source of social anxiety). You just find out who you really connect with.
4. People seem to hate it when you don’t drink with them. La Croix mocktails are great.
5. During this time, my mind’s attention just shifted to other things like the business class, exercising, and celery juice cleansing. This did not allow me to get the space and time I needed to witness the changes that were occurring. So even though I didn’t drink alcohol, there somethings left to figure out before I drink again, if I do.
6. It feels really good not to drink, so I changed my mindset from 40 days to as long as physically possible during the challenge.
But when I switched my mindset, fear and shame started to kick in.
So, I am starting a new challenge now.
A challenge with no time limit and as little fear and shame as possible.
With the time and space for me to sit still (even more than I have already been) so I can witness the evolution of that I have experienced in the last two months, and continue to learn even more.
With love and introspection,
